Black and White

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a fan of black and white (see B&W). My Mom took a photography class at LSU and took the most awesome black and white photographs; so much so, that it got me into photography (B&W not so much I am embarrassed to say). I love B&W photography, movies... something about the lack of vivid colors does something I think, allows the subject matter to speak for itself. Allow me to preface the rest of this story by noting that I had no idea how much it had to say...

As many of you already know, Lila is pregnant- right at 5 months now. We couldn't ask for a more pain-free and simplistic pregnancy (ok, more pain-free for me than her, but seriously). Week-by-week clockwork. She went in for her first ultrasound in mid-December. The scan they took looked like, in her words, a kitten. The image was that of a small, nondescript looking thing- like a kitten, I guess. Yeah, that's our kid *rolleyes*; I knew this shit was a ruse. Lila's a crafty bitch. heh.

So we're sitting at the OBGYN's yesterday, waiting for her mid-term ultrasound. There I am, sitting in a room full of pregnant women in my Carhartt work pants, jungle boots and suspenders- I'm quite the site I am sure (yes honey, I know you love my ass in the Carhartt's): scruffy goatee, with my OD green "Marines" t-shirt on, my oil stained cap covering my mop. Yep, a classic shoe-in for Dad-of-the-year here baby. Fuck yeah, who you kiddin'???!! For the past 5 months, while I've known we were pregnant, it hadn't really sunk in for me just as of yet. Give it 5 minutes. I sit there and bitch to Lila about the horrid green plastic shoes some woman is wearing, while she is constantly prodding me to curb my language. Yep, still a potty mouth at 37. I was bitchy and yes, a bit selfish. I had to leave the house and all of it's labored glory to sit in a room and wait for the stomach movie to start filming- which I might add, started 15 minutes late (grrr). My 5 minutes is up.

We walk in to an incredibly large, darkened room with several devices I have never seen before, a huge LCD on the wall, a PC. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot, over???!! OK, I'm nervous now. She forced me not to use a condom Mom, I swear... The technician asks Lila to get up onto the table and pull her pants down below her hips. Hey, now we're gettin' somewhere (yeah, the same place that got us HERE). She spills out the lube and breaks out the wand and the show begins.

Fuck. I'm still nervous. I stand up. I look over at Lila and she reaches out her hand. I walk up and take it and we both look up to the LCD on the wall in utter amazement. There it is, the lil vampire. The kiddo. Our child. The technician explained what was what as she swerved in and out, left and right. The images were amazing. Heh, who am I kidding- it was fucking amazing. As I was to tell my Mom minutes after I left, it was "The coolest shit I'd ever seen!". The little arms that covered his huge melon (we don't know or want to know the child's sex, but if I say boy enough- saying it makes it happen!). It was really eye opening when the baby smiled at us, as if to look at us and say "What the hell do you want?". The look on Lila's face was priceless though, her eyes rolled to the size of plates and nearly popped out of her head. It was a look I was to see several times, actually. I'm not too sure at what point I stopped being nervous and really got excited. It was all so incredible to see the heart beating, the baby tossing about. I have to say that we were both saddened by the fact that no horn was evident; I told Lila I thought unicorns might not develop a horn until after birth, so there's still hope. But, unicorn or no, I think I am gonna be a dad.

The movie wraps up and the technician gives Lila a roll of about 1500 ultrasound scans that she took and we headed out. We walked out to the front of the doctors office and hugged, kissed and got into our respective cars. As I sat there, briefly, it really hit me. The love of my life is pregnant with our child. I felt so much more connected to Lila than I ever have and I didn't ever think that was possible. True love finds a way of surprising me all the time and this is certainly no exception. We're going to be parents of a baby boy (hint-hint), the only question now is whether it will be black or white.